Skyland

Hello Brynna! We read your email with an interest.. which basically drew us like an magnet! We also wanted to give our feedback too in regards to the topic 'Fat and Ugly'. Oh dear - Anwarii has gone to do her makeup! yes sweety you are beautiful as you are.. the makeup for Anwarii IS what MAKES anwarii a female. Illusion brought to life and an beautiful female looking face to lookback from the mirror. Ugliness is what is better described as 'lack of understanding'.. anwarii has been through the 'ugly stage' syndrome - where her health was very bad and her makeup was very yellow! so basically every mortal could tell that anwarii was an transsexual. Nowadays ugliness is still there.. still hidden and undealt with. Ugliness is a part of the psyche which is hidden, the rejected and the despised part of all mortals which we have simply shunned out by IMPROVING or simply adapting to another new psyche - the art of illusion and the vanity of confidence. BUT the ugliness is still buried.. under the false illusion. The ugliness is the unloved part, the abandoned part of the psyche. Afterall mortals who seek beauty, proportion and size are only deludings themselves. Beauty is indeed in the eye of the beholder - and we hold anwariis beauty and look upon her with the same gaze as she looks upon us.. with sincerity and love. Yes Anwarii has used her beauty to woo men into her and the mortals having good time - this we also enjoy. BUT anwarii enjoys with female mortals even more. The topic 'Fat and Ugly' is very much linked to anwarii who views herself as 'Skinny and stunning'. Although we have taught anwarii that ugliness is simply an state of the unloved.. when that psyche or state is LOVED.. then the psyche or state has EVOLVED. This is why Anwarii looks for mortals who are good-looking or not so good looking. So ugliness is an state which mortals society forces upon the individual.. so it is unloved and unevolved. All this part needs is love. This is what we have always taught anwarii when she gets up in the morning and her face is ugly then - until she puts on her makeup - which we call 'transformation' or magical change and anwarii knows that we are with her - regardless of her appearance, beauty and physical appearance - we only love her. Anwarii is also renewing her makeup - as for her to stay constantly reanimated to the female energy. This is what makes her so petite and so slim.. she has basically overloaded on this and her liver (surprise Surprise.. sorry sweety) had been affected. Although she has solved the liver issue - she has also discovered that mortals spirits, souls and always trapped within the liver.. all becos the sugar becomes glucose and then it becomes electromagnetic coating - which makes out of bodies, spiritually free and mentally free from the physical restraint of the mortals body. So basically fat and ugliness is an state of being unloved and also an state of waiting.. until the time for evolvement comes. This can only happen when a mortal desires or loves an spiritual being then both the mortal and the spiritual being are fused as one. Anwarii is now recalling roys words then she contacted roy back in june 2006.. that she was an disgusting shemale. Although at the time anwarii was in constant fear of attacks all becos of her ugliness.. which was related to her bad liver. But at the same token - ugliness is a state of transformation from within. Thanks Sonshon/ling/gwenny.

Ah, yes, probably one of the biggest problems facing women these days. Is it famine, hunger, sterility? No, it's how many chins they have! :O Whatever happened to the beautiful and luscious women in those Roman and Greek paintings of old? They were wealthy, classy, elegant, and most likely comfortable and healthy. Now a days? God forbid you look even remotely like a woman! And you're in for quite a ride if you do.

Hey there, Brynna! All of us Women here at the TOC are feeling like sharing our thoughts on this topic - Shari Williams would like to go first. Shari died of breast cancer at the age of 52, and she died just a few months ago. She'd already had a mastectomy to remove her left breast, but the cancer was very aggressive, and she says "I didn't stand a chance. I didn't feel like a whole woman anymore. More like half a woman. Yes, I still had my right breast, but wearing a prosthetic breast only worked for while I was out in public. At home, alone, I had to take the plastic breast off and there were many days where I just wanted to throw it into the garbage, but I was too afraid to let the world know that I was only half a woman. I was not a thin woman in life, closer to a size 20/22 waist in the plus size section. I felt as though I had failed in my womanhood, my duty as a woman, because I had never had children, nor had I married. Near the end, I was convinced that I was going to go to hell when I died, because I was wishing for death constantly. The emotional pain of being half a woman was worse than the physical pain that came with the drugs and radiation and then the actual moment of death was a release. When I got up from my body and looked at myself, I was horrified at what I saw - I had gained a lot of weight and then lost weight and then back and forth, and I had sagging skin and stretch marks. I looked at my body, laying there in the bed, and thought to myself, 'Why do I look like that? When did I turn into that?' Then I heard Aten, Lily's Aten, and he was telling me that I should come and see her. Then Lily's sister's Deva, Nola, called to me and invited me to their home. I spent some time searching out old friends and watching the world spin around, and then I found that Aten was nearby, and I found him, and followed him to the TOC. I spend my days with Lily's sister, because she works in a bank, and I was a bank teller for Wells Fargo for nearly 25 years, and I spend the evenings and the nights with Lily and her family (the TOC, I mean, though I do sometimes watch television with her parents and play with the fish outside). It's my routine, just like I used to have. The only difference is that now, I have a family to remind me that I'm not made up of saggy skin and stretch marks. I truly wish I had known Lily while I was alive. I would have adopted her as a daughter. She and her sister both. Seeing Erin go about her days at work, and seeing Lily interact with the Community Members, it reminds me that it doesn't matter how much saggy skin and how many stretch marks I had. They see me as beautiful, and I'm starting to see myself as beautiful, too. Thank you." LeiLei has this to say - "I was a very thin girl while I was alive. It was a choice I made subconsciously. I was an anorexic, and I spent most of my time avoiding food and my main activities were running and jogging and walking around the village I lived in. The anorexia was my pain, my burden, my secret. I bore it to tell myself that I could do anything, that I could be anything, if not beautiful. And people saw me as beautiful at first - dirty blond hair, green eyes, tan skin, a nice spattering of freckles on my face and shoulders. Then I lost too much weight. I started to look not as beautiful. Before long, I became a skeleton. My beauty was gone, and I was ugly outside because I felt I was ugly inside. In the Unobstructed, I've managed to make myself fleshed out, and not skeletal. But when I shot myself, I weighed 86 pounds, even though I was almost 5 feet, 11 inches tall. I didn't shoot myself as a pact with anyone, though I discovered that another girl shot herself as I did. I shot myself to be free of the illnesses I had. There wasn't a way for me to get help, even if I had wanted it. By the time I died, I just wanted to be rid of my body and to be rid of the problems that came with it. Even though I was beautiful before I was anorexic, I was not able to see my beauty. As I lost weight, people talked about me behind my back. At first, the men wanted me and the girls wanted to be me. But I took it too far, and by the time I died, there wasn't a chance in hell that I would've been able to get better. I exist knowing that I have a home with Lily and Ak and Aten and all the wonderful people here. But I always wonder, somehow, deep inside myself, would any of them have helped me, if they knew me while I was alive? Lily says that she would have, 'in a heartbeat,' but I don't know if I was worthy of help. I don't know if I would have let her help me. Lily, Gemma, Shari, Adanna, Sainani, Torah, they're all beautiful. But I wonder if they think I am?" I (Lily) have this to say - I weigh right around 340 pounds. I have a great many piercings, a large tattoo, I wear glasses, and I walk with a limp most of the time. But in my heart, I know I'm beautiful, not because of my outside, but because of my inside. When I see anyone who's having a hard time with things, I do what I can to try to help them feel better. When I see someone crying, I try to cheer them up. When someone's angry, I try to calm them down. When someone's fearful, I try to comfort them. It's the fact that I try to do these things that makes me, and so many other women who do the same things as me, beautiful even when society sees us as ugly. It doesn't matter what we look like, or what clothes we wear, or how we do our make-up or our hair or our nails. What lies in a woman's heart, whether she was born a genetic woman or a woman in the wrong body, is what determines whether we are beautiful or not. Adanna, Torah, Sainani, and Gemma are all nodding and agreeing. Shari is smiling, and LeiLei is looking like she could use a hug. Shari and Gemma are hugging her. It doesn't matter what we look like outside, no matter what kind of Entity we are - Angelic, Human, or Animal. Because we are women, we have the ability to be beautiful inside, and that is what truly matters. Looks fade. It's what's inside that counts. Love to all. The Women of the TOC.

It made me think. You're so right and I guess the thing you're describing is something that most of the people are aware of but nobody actually talks about it. Well... Maybe I'm gonna write more later. By the way, great text/ article!